thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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