he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
