Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
