I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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