does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
