i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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