So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
