Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
