nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
