My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
