I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
