He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
