I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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