never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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