also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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