how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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