I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
