You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He shit in the fireplace
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
