what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
