The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
