I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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