Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
