i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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