his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
