So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize