My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
