so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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