what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
