i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
