I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
