i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
