I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
