So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
