I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think your dad took our porno
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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