I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
