I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
