this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
