I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
