I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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