There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
