i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
