Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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