is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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