I hate your face
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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