So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You left your phone here
Wait...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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