Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
