the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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