She's JV to your varsity
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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