i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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