I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
