I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
