i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
