the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
