you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
