if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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