Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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