Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
