It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
