Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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