5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
