I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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