I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
