I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
