So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
