rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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