You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
