I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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