yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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