And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
