Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
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Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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