Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
