I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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