at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
