first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
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He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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