How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm at about main and main street
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
