he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
