Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
