why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
