I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
