you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
