Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
