Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
