He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
