chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
