I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
