who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
