Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
