I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
