her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
