All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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