Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
