I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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