its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
