His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
