I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
