On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm like, not good at living.
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