dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
