i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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