just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
