How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
