I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
